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Putting Yourself First

Updated: Sep 27, 2019

Hello my Thunderkittens, it’s been a hell of a week thus far but I am pushing through as I am hoping you are right there along with me. I am very appreciative of your messages on topics and suggestions you’d like me to discuss. Keep them coming as I don’t believe the list will ever be too long to finish. I am sorry that this blog took me longer to put out.  School and drag shows got the best of me. But because of all of you I am able to take every opportunity and journey thus far underneath the brand of ThunderKat. 

It’s a different experience to step back and look at what you have in front of yourself as far as life, friends, family and your personal goals. Seeing the big picture allows you to take some steps forward or back and be the head of your table. This is something I am experiencing currently myself, it’s a tough pill to swallow when you finally have all the cards in your hand. The hand that no one can control but yourself. That pill will cause you to go crazy for a moment and possibly spaz but the point I am trying to make is to learn to put yourself first. That's something many of us struggle with because we find validation in others to check off and mark our worth. It’s hard to count that against you when it’s a reassuring spot to have if you are feeling down and not so sure about yourself. 

One habit I am constantly trying to break is being a “People Pleaser”. I find it hard to say how I actually feel to people close to me because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Recently someone shared this thought with me - “When their behavior is hurting you - why should you be the only one who’s uncomfortable and they get to blissfully continue what they are doing? Why not address the situation so you can learn together?”. So lately I’ve been trying to say the hard things so people’s behavior doesn’t continue to hurt me. It has not been easy to break this habit, or to share my feelings more, however it has been rewarding to have more authentic connections with people.

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you don’t value, love or unconditionally support others in your life, but it is your job to have some type of ongoing communication to those you decide to keep close. While you are trying to build or fix yourself, that line of trust could be broken without your voice to those you want in your life. This is not limited to family, friends and partners you involve yourself with. Self care should be more than late night ice cream, mimosas every saturday, or shopping sprees. For me, I found the best methods of self care for my mind and body is alone time, trying something new, and journaling. If the problem is too overwhelming and you do not have non-judgmental or safe spaces to talk, you may consider finding the help of a therapist or counselor. There is not one perfect formula that works for everyone - you may want to be around more people, or by yourself - you may want to learn new things and expand your skills or hobbies, you may want to involve yourself in monotonous activities - you may want to push yourself and take risks, or you may need stability and comfort. Any or all ways are okay, as long as you are feeling that your cup is full when you are done.

Life is full of enjoyment and excitement. I’d hate for you to continue the path of living life being brought down by those that don’t reciprocate the same type of energy, love and accountability you offer. The void you have can be filled by your own worth and love. You are enough to not carry hate on your shoulders and to look life in the face with laughter as you are taking the reins back. 

Getting a chance to do this allowed me to breath for myself and no one else. I was able to find room to be free from opinions, judgement, and/or negative energy from anyone. I find it to be a slippery slope. Those you may need to remove yourself from, or spend less time with may not understand or even try to give you grief about it. Just remember that if a relationship is toxic or even not mutually beneficial, it is more than okay to remove people (even family) without warning. Give yourself permission to free yourself, and allow more time for places, people, and spaces where you are celebrated. In my book, I find it all 100% needed for self love.

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